How To Know When It’s The Right Time To Forgive

Is there currently someone in your life that had hurt you? Someone who you didn’t forgive yet? Does it feel like extreme baggage on your back? Do you sometimes wonder if it is worth forgiving? And if yes, then when? Because actually, you don’t feel like that person deserves forgiveness. Is forgiveness even in place here?

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Forgiveness In My Personal Journey

Ah, forgiveness, the thing that many of us see as an act of weakness. That for which we rather prefer to weaken ourselves because of piled grudge, instead of letting it out of our system. A bit ironic, don’t you think?

If you think about someone who has recently hurt you or maybe a long time ago, then this can really sting inside. I know, I’ve been there! Along my life journey, I’ve been disappointed, a lot. And very deeply! For example, I’ve been through an almost deadly car accident with a friend of mine. Or let’s say, I thought she was my friend back then. Until she stabbed me in the back by trying to get some benefits out of my almost dead-experience. Because yes, I was the driver. But the accident wasn’t my fault at all. The accident happened after some idiots decided to drop some drugs in my drink in the club. I wasn’t aware of it and after that, I have had a total black-out. For a matter a fact, the whole evening doesn’t even exist in my memory anymore. So, what happened then… I fainted in my car, crashed on the highway and was then thrown out of my car through my front window. I had a 50 % chance that I would or would not wake up again. Luckily, my friend had more luck than me and she wasn’t injured that bad. But still, she looked at this, like it was the perfect opportunity to sue me and to get herself some extra money. Just as if the whole experience wasn’t mentally painful enough already.

At first, I was crushed, hurt and mentally broken! She was my best friend back then. My thoughts were all over the place. “How can someone do this? I didn’t deserve this!” After that, a feeling of anger and disappointment came up. I just couldn’t deal with it. “That little betrayer! I hate her!” But eventually, I let it go… I let it go to regain my inner peace of mind. I forgave her. Not because I understood her motives or for the sake of her. I did it for the sake of myself. And for the sake of everyone around me who do love me and who felt hurt when they saw me suffer. Those who want to see me happy. Those who I can make happy by being positive myself.

Woman trowing stones

When Is It The Right Time To Forgive?

Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened. It is not about being OK with what someone did. It is about letting go for your own good. Deep down, you know when it is the right time to forgive. Because you know when it is the right time for you to give yourself back that peace of mind. That inner rest. You can clear your mind of that negative energy from the moment you are ready for it. Ready to put the love for yourself above any remaining grudge.

When Is… Ready?

Forgivness in sand

Well, that is from the moment you realize the importance of the value of your own peace of mind above the little value of what happened. The moment that you know that self-love is so much more important than holding on to what is keeping you from it. This does not mean that what had happened is totally forgotten. It means that you accept what has happened in your past. You accept that sometimes people hurt people without you looking for the further underlying reasons. It is important to keep in mind that sometimes people do certain things in life that we are not capable to understand. And no matter why they did what they did, they will always have their own personal motives. Motives that felt like the right ones for them at that moment. Whether you would agree with those or not. This doesn’t matter. Not when it comes to the choice of forgiveness. This choice is one you make for you. Not to justify their motives.

Forgive For The Self

Forgiveness should not only be given when you agree with their reasons.
Forgiveness must be given because you love yourself too much to continue suffering for this. Forgiveness should also be given to yourself to free yourself from the constant memories to that moment or that person. For resentment and hatred will always keep you hostage in your painful experiences from the past. Free yourself from the thoughts that come up in you every time, whenever something equal crosses your path.
Free yourself from the constant hateful judgments that you have about people who might talk, act or look like the person of your previous bad experience. They do not deserve this, right? I think you know what I’m talking about when I say that a pain in the past can really be a big cause of your current judgmental behaviors.

How Should You Forgive?

If you are wondering how you should forgive when just letting go isn’t an option for you, then maybe writing a letter towards that person is a possibility. You can either choose to give it to them or you can keep it to yourself. Another option is to just tell them that you forgive them. Short and with not too much explanation. Just getting it out of your system. You are doing this for yourself. And when both options don’t feel right, then just maybe only write ‘I forgive you’ on a piece of paper and burn it. Or you can throw it in the ocean in a bottle, eat it, do whatever you want with it, as long as it feels good for you!

So let’s decide to throw away those grudges and start with a new and happier peace of mind! A new chapter, a happier you! Free from all annoying grudges that were holding you back.

Note: Forgiving out of self-love isn’t in any way selfish. On the contrary! It releases you from any grudges, hurt or bad feelings towards that person. It also makes the people you love happier. And besides that, it can also release the biggest tension between you and that person. Something that can benefit both of you.

Love & Joy

Woman with open arms

17 thoughts on “How To Know When It’s The Right Time To Forgive

    1. Het is niet altijd even simpel inderdaad! Gevoelsmatig loslaten kan soms wat meer tijd vragen. Maar hoe dan ook, vanaf het moment dat het gevoel voor je eigen gezondheid en geluk sterker wordt dan de waarde van wat er is gelukt… Dan zal die gevoelsmatige wrok, verdriet of woede ook stillaan verdwijnen. 😉


  1. Vergeven is niet altijd even makkelijk, maar voor jezelf wel de beste optie. Je kunt de ander vergeven en doorgaan met je leven zonder diegene.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Inderdaad! Klopt helemaal! Vergeving hoeft niet te betekenen dat je die persoon terug compleet in je leven moet opnemen. Het is voornamelijk om jezelf te bevrijden van het nare gevoel en dan verder te kunnen met beide jullie levens. 😉


    1. Super om te horen! Ja, vergeven kan echt opluchten ondanks de pijn die aan de situatie/persoon was verbonden. Vergeven is de start van een soort van ‘rouwproces’ waarin je stillaan, wat is gebeurd, zal accepteren, loslaten en de draad zal herop pakken met wat bagage minder.


  2. Wat een verhaal zeg… Heftig. Ik geloof zelf ook wel erg in vergeven. Helemaal vergeten kan misschien moeilijk zijn, maar ik denk wel dat je er zelf ook baat bij hebt als je niet blijft hangen in iets.


    1. Klopt inderdaad, vergeten en vergeven zijn 2 heel verschillende zaken. Waar vergeven de beste oplossing kan zijn voor je eigen gemoedsgesteldheid, kan vergeten soms vaak wel wat lastiger zijn. Maar vergeten hoeft in mijn ogen ook niet zolang je de situatie kan accepteren als ‘Het is gebeurd’ en de pijn stillaan kan loslaten die eraan is verbonden.


  3. Wat een verhaal! Blij te lezen dat je het wel hebt overleefd. Ik weet helaas maar al te goed hoe het is om vriendinnen te verliezen. Vergeven is lastig, maar het lucht wel op. En vergeven voor mij is niet zomaar vergeten.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ja wel, ik heb veel geluk gehad en ik ben dankbaar hier nog te kunnen zijn. Hierdoor heb ik ook geleerd meer te genieten van de kleine zaken in het leven. En bij dat genieten hoort opgekropte wrok niet thuis. Vandaar dat ik vergeef en loslaat wat mij niet verder meer dient. Het is voor beide partijen vaak het beste. 😉


  4. Jeetje… ik ben even sprakeloos. Ik voel je tekst binnenkomen. Hoe ik er zelf in sta? Vergeven begint bij mij met een rationeel besluit om geen oude koeien meer uit de sloot te halen. Dus ik keer het proces om: eerst vergeten, dan volgt vergeven vaak vanzelf, omdat je weer meer van iemand gaat genieten (als het iemand dichtbij is). Trouwens vind ik mezelf vergeven lastiger….


    1. Wel, hoe dan ook blijft het top als je tot het punt van vergeven komt. Op welke manier je er ook toe geraakt! Dit is inderdaad nog steeds een persoonlijke ervaring en dit kan soms wat verschillen bij elk. Dat laatste kan ik volledig begrijpen! Jezelf vergeven gaat vaak ook gepaard met schuldgevoel, zelfverwijt,… dus dit kan inderdaad soms een pak lastiger aanvoelen! 😀


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